Principal Meyers was doing his usual weekly stuff at the assembly and wrapped up with.  “We’re having a special for profanity for the rest of the year.  Now it will be five pops, rather than three, for each grawlix requiring word.”© Y Lee Coyote

If phones hadn’t been banned, then more than ninety percent of the attendees would have been searching for the meaning of grawlix before the next class.  Gradually, however, the meaning spread through the school.

The first recipient of the new rate was Jacques.  Two factors coincided that day.  He had gotten into a discussion with a teacher about some obscure point which ran for ten minutes past the end of period preceding the last lunch period.  When he got to the lunchroom he discovered that his favorite, served only every other Tuesday, was sold out.  He had a one word reaction: #*$@*!

“That is unacceptable language, Jacques.” was the immediate reaction by the lunch room duty teacher.  “Drop ‘em and bend over with your hands on the counter for your reward.”

Fortunately for his butt he managed not to say the word that instantly came to mind so he didn’t get double.  The five were quite enough to make him stand for the disliked lunch and fidget for the rest of his classes that day.

* * * * * * * * * *

The amigos were in the noisy hall between classes when Luis asked Miguel to join him after the last class for some chess in the library.  He declined saying “I'll have to take the first bus today.” but in his native Spanish “Hoy tendré que coger el autobús de primera hora.”

Unfortunately, Mr. Pander, the most bigoted teacher in the school was near by and was irked by hearing Spanish in an American school.  As he was monolingual he misheard the word ‘coger’ and reacted rashly and arrogantly.  He grabbed Miguel and growled: “Using the f-word here is prohibited, you @&#$?&.  You just earned yourself five pops for profanity.”  He paused to take a breath before finishing with “Drop your pants and lean on the wall, NOW.”

“He did not say that word, Mr. Pander.” said Luis respectfully.

“Quiet or you’ll get it too.” the bigot snapped and started swinging his paddle.

In just a minute it was over.  “Get to your next classes pronto.” he continued angrily not realizing he was using a Spanish derived word.  The two students rushed on although hurt both physically and emotionally.

After the final bell, Luis went to see Principal Meyers to report the incident of abuse and bigotry.  It was not the first time there had been complaints about Mr. Pander so the Principal tended to believe the report.  An hour later Miguel’s irate father, who was an executive in the local international business that dominated the county, called with a confirming report including a very red buttock photo and demanding action be taken.

Later the Principal reviewed the hall surveillance recordings and confirmed that a paddling had occurred.  The teachers’ reports did not include any mention of it however.  Some searching on the web let to the fact that English only speaker’s ears don’t process the whole sentence in unfamiliar tongues.  They catch one unfamiliar word such as ‘coger’ and their brain fills in the closest taboo English sound.

The next morning Mr. Pander was in the principal’s office being chewed out for multiple violation of procedures, exhibiting prejudice both in word and deed while on the job.  He also had his paddling authority revoked.  The principal concluded by telling him he could submit to a paddling or be terminated or resign.

In the assembly the next day Principal Meyers returned to the topic of vulgarity in the school precincts.  “To summerize vulgarity includes ethnic slurs such as the n-word and the like as well as the f-word and its friends.

“And now we must address an incident that happened a couple of days ago.  One of our immigrant students was speaking in his native language as is normal, legal and permitted when he was misunderstood by Mr. Pander and wrongly paddled and insulted.  We will do our best to give him some justice now by paddling the offender here and now.  Please lower your trousers and bend over the chair, Mr. Pander.”

The students sat awed as they watched.  “Coach please proceed with the paddling.”  The burly coach raised and then swung the paddle at the errant teacher’s butt hard the requisite number of times.  He certainly struck harder than either the principal or the VP would.  All wished that he had been bare so that they could see him turn red but they knew his thin underpants did not provide any real protection.

“Justice would have been better served if you’d been swinging that paddle at bigoted Pander rather than the Coach.” said Luis to his buddy Miguel as they headed off to the next class.

“Agreed but I’m less of a target not having been on the stage.  In some ways it would have been nicer but the coach surely hit a lot harder than I could and that is very satisfying.”