The following story is fiction about the holiday and Hanukkah Harry.  The story contains scenes of spanking.  If this subject is offensive, uninteresting or if you are a minor (i.e., child) please leave now.  The story is a tongue in cheek mishmash of several traditions and myths with some of my own fanciful additions.  In particular, please note that Hanukkah Harry is a recent (1989) creation of SNL and not a long time tradition as is the dreidel. The US dollar and quarter-dollar coins are very close in size and originally the same color.  A lot more information can be found on the web including the original skit.

This work is copyright by the author and commercial use is prohibited without permission.  Personal/private copies are permitted only if complete including the copyright notice.

The author would appreciate your comments – pro and con, including constructive criticism, and suggestions.  Please take a moment to email.

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It was the sixth night of Hanukkah and Hersh was already exhausted.  There were still two and half nights worth of deliveries yet to make before the eight-night holiday was over and he could rest.  Hersh, although you probably know him better as Hanukkah Harry, had already finished Asia, Europe, Africa and even South America this night.  He was now working the most populated part of North America – New York City.  It was the hardest part of the route for not only was the Jewish community the largest in the world even in the middle of the night the traffic was horrendous and parking nonexistent.  Sure, way back one could stop on roofs and use chimneys for entry but not anymore.

It was a slow year for Santa, his Christian counterpart, because so many kids just did not believe or were too naughty to get any presents.  Additionally, since coal was bad for the environment, the mines were shut down so that also reduced the demand for workers.  The bottom line was that Hersh had been able to get a few elves as assistants.  Most were kept busy loading carts from his sled parked in the commercial zone and keeping him supplied with the gifts just like the swamped internet delivery companies were doing reducing the cost for magic required huge energy expenditures.  Nutmeg, his right-hand elf, with uncommon powers stayed with him doing the last step of the deliveries.

* * * * * * * * * *

All was not quiet in Apartment 18J even though it was about four in the morning local time.  Ten-year-old Avi, who lived there, and his best friend Xavier who was having a sleepover were up and arguing.  Avi was insisting that he wanted to see Uncle Hersh to thank him and Xavier was saying “It’s naughty staying up like this and we better get to bed or you ain’t going to get nothing.”

Avi laughed.  “That’s not how Hanukkah Harry operates.  Naughty or nice we get our gifts.  It’s your Santa that is the meany with that NAUGHTY LIST and lumps of coal.”© YLeeCoyote

“Really?” said a surprised Xavier.  “It’s not just the good kids that get prezzies?”

“That’s right.  And back in Europe it is even worse.  There is Krampus and Belsnickel and Le Père Fouettard.  They travel about with the jolly guy but they SPANK, BEAT and WHIP the naughty kids and even worse.”

“Spank?  Beat?  Whip?  That can’t be right!  You’re making it all up.”

“Those nasty guys are just as real as Santa.  I can show you on the web.  They even have pictures.  Pretty scary looking beasts too.”

Just then they were interrupted for Hanukkah Harry made his appearance along with Nutmeg.  “You boys are up pretty late.” he said with a bit of reproach in his voice.

“Yes, but it’s NOT a school night and we’re quiet and not disturbing my parents and we can sleep late.  Besides I want to thank you for all the past presents you gave me, Uncle Hersh.  Oh, this is my best friend Xavier.  We’re having a sleepover.”

“I hope you are that prepared in school, Avi.  Now since you’re up I’ll ask you.  Who’s your favorite super hero?”

“Captain America.”

“And yours Xavier.”

“Spiderman because I love arachnids, Mr. Harry.”

“Nutmeg, please get them.”  Nutmeg just flickered and was then holding two small packages.  Harry handed a simply wrapped package to each boy saying “Happy Hanukkah, boys.”

“תודה (Toda)” said Avi.

“I see that you have also been attentive in Hebrew school, Avi.”

“Thank you, Mr. Harry.  Is it true that even the naughty boys get gifts from you?”

“You are both welcome and yes, it is true.  Kids are not criminals and they are usually punished by their parents so that would be double punishment which is not at all fair.  Would you like to know which of Santa’s list you are on?”

“Oh, yes, please.”

Hersh took out his cell phone and keyed in a mess of stuff and a minute later put the phone away.  “Sorry, Xavier, you are on the Santa’s naughty list.  It does not look good for you.  It was something about Mary Ann’s pigtails.”

“Is there anything you can do to help him, Uncle Hersh?  Please.”

Hersh pondered a minute and checked his phone again.  “Yes, but I’m afraid you won’t like this Xavier.  You can get off the naughty list by getting a spanking.  Just ask your parents.”

“I can’t do that.” said a very disappointed Xavier.

Nutmeg whispered something into Hersh’s ear who then smiled.  “Nutmeg says that sometimes he provided that service when making the rounds with Santa.  If you like he….”

“Nutmeg can you spank me and get me on the GOOD list?  Please.” pleaded the interrupting boy.

Sporting a broad smile, the elf just pulled out a chair, sat down and patted his lap.  Xavier immediately got into position over the elf’s lap.  Nutmeg gripped his waist and pulled down his pj’s bottom exposing his little rump.  The unpleasant stuff commenced immediately for Nutmeg raised his hand and brought it down hard on the target.  A handprint appeared.  The process was repeated until the entire bottom was bright red and the boy was crying.

When the well-spanked boy got up, he was comforted by Avi.  “Thanks for everything.” Avi said to Hersh.

“Happy Hanukkah, boys.  I must get going for I have a lot more stops to make.” and just as mysteriously as he appeared along with Nutmeg they both flickered out of Apartment 18J.

* * * * * * * * * *

“My butt hurts.” said tearful Xavier rubbing his behind once they were alone.

“Of course.  That is that what happens when you get spanked but you will be happier on Christmas morning.” explained Avi.  “It was awesome watching you get spanked.”

“But was it real?”

“Open the package and decide.”

“How come I got a gift which is just like yours?”

“Because there isn’t any religious test and you believed.  Happy Hanukkah.  It is the time of miracles.  Remember that the letters on the dreidel stand for a great miracle happened there.”

“But underwear?”

“When you get eight nights of gifts, you don’t get a video game every night.  And there is some gelt, er, Hanukkah gelt in there as well.”

“Gelt?”

“Yeah.  Money.”

After some searching, Xavier proclaimed “Six quarters.  Not very much.”

“Look again, those are dollars and that’s just for the sixth night.  It adds up over eight nights.”

“Can I sleepover again tonight?”

“Of course not – it’s a school night.”

The End

© Copyright A.I.L. December 6, 2020

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Last updated:  September 15, 2023