It was after the final bell in the teachers’ section of the parking lot that the fracas occurred.  Mr. Teaford was backing out of his parking space while Mr. Whittingham was heading for the exit when they confirmed the basic physics principle that two things may not occupy the same space at the same time.  The result, in more common terms, was a fender bender.© Y Lee Coyote

The two men both exited their cars and started to argue about who was at fault.  The discussion quickly got very heated and escalated.  Not only did it become loud but the atmosphere turned very blue.  The two were both aggravated by an unpleasant day and made things even worse by getting in each other’s faces practically rubbing noses.  Within just four minutes of the cars’ contact they were shoving each other.

A few students saw the start and shouts of “FIGHT!” brought many others to watch.  There was a confusion of emotions in the observers.  There was the thrill of watching a fight especially between staff members along with the spectacle of the staff acting like grade schoolers.

Perhaps the most logical thing would have been to call the Principal to deal with the situation, but that was antithetical to student culture as it normally amounted to ratting out a peer.  In times past, emptying a handy fire bucket on the pair would have cooled them down but, alas, one was not available.

Two fully grown muscular seniors, Bullock and Karbowiak, came to the rescue just like large teachers separate two squabbling grade schoolers.  While they were being held apart (unhappily) another student gave them a lecture.  These were the salient points:

• Your conduct is disgraceful.
• Fighting is not a solution and is a paddling offence.
• Those vulgar epithets are also a paddling offence.

“I can imagine how thrilled Principal Meyers will be dealing with your disgraceful antics and putting disparaging notes in your personnel files.  And VP Mogan will surely love paddling you both under the new protocols.” continued the lecturing student, Dante.

To their chagrin, the two teachers felt shame wash over them as they suddenly realized that they not only had been misbehaving but in front of many students.  Mr. Teaford recovered first and said “We’re sorry.  We’ll work this out properly.  There isn’t any need to talk about it to anyone.” and Mr. Whittingham also recovered and seconded his colleague’s comment.

“That’s not right!  Each of us would get paddled for just a couple of the words you used and for fighting.  You need to be paddled for the dozens you used or else.” added Dante who definitely had a way with words.

“Yeah, just yesterday a couple of guys got it for just one word each in the lunchroom.  It’s not right for you two to get off scot-free.” yelled someone in the crowd which got a round of applause.

“We need a paddle.” yelled someone else.

“Check their cars.  They paddle their kids at home.” yelled another.

“Got one!” yelled someone holding up a standard school-issued paddle.

“It’s paddling time.” yelled a comic.

“Do we go to the Principal or do we paddle?”

The miscreants looked sheepishly at each other and then conferred.  They worried about long term consequences and agreed to be paddled by a student.

“Drop ‘em and bend over the car.” said Bullock taking the paddle.  The crowd was quiet as the pair got into position bent over the hood of a car.

Then the paddle was raised and brought down hard on Teaford, the first target.  After the first WHACK there was a howl, which greatly amused the observers.  The action was repeated over and over for nine pops – the limit for a double offence.

The paddle was passed to Karbowiak who, in turn, paddled Whittingham, the other offending teacher, in the same way.  He did not take it any better.

Both were seen to have misty eyes.

The crowed dispersed after the pair had pulled up their pants, got into their cars and carefully drove away.

* * * * * * * * * *

In times past that would be the end of the story as talk would fade away in a couple of weeks.  But the world is different now with everyone a reporter with a video camera and social media to publish on without an editor to moderate.  Within a couple of hours there were scores of posts about the Squabbling Teachers on social media including the school’s own site.  Now it was not just rumors that the non-eye witnesses heard but real images.  Those make much more durable impressions.

One viewer was Robb Teaford who was the son of one of the paddled teachers.  He had trouble believing what he saw.  But gradually as he saw more from different angles he decided that it must have happened.  He was fascinated by how his father’s tail turned red from the paddling.

Robb could not help but to think about his father’s unfair rule “If you get it at school, then you get it at home.”  Weird thoughts swept through his head about changing or enforcing it now that his father had been paddled in school.  Additionally “The rules apply to everyone equally.” was one of dad’s favorite comments.

Dinner conversation took the usual course with Charley fessing up to have been gotten paddled at school and thus was due to be strapped at home.  Dad was insistent on the rule although Robb argued, as always, it was unfair double jeopardy.

“We’ll deal with it right after dinner unless Robb is to get it first as he is older for the rule applies to everyone.” finalized dad.

“I was NOT paddled or otherwise punished at today.  However, with oldest first rule we need to deal with the school parking lot paddling first especially since it was NOT disclosed up front as required.” said Robb springing the trap.

Dad was shocked.

“Yes, we know all about your paddling in the school parking lot as it is all over the web.  You have just confirmed all the rules.  It falls to me to carry out the unpleasant duty of using the strap.” expounded Robb.

There was a long awkward silence, without even a spoon tapping a cup, while both Robb and Charley stared at their fidgeting father.  He was facing a dilemma for having setting up the rules that he did not like when they applied to him.  To ignore them was dishonorable and set a terrible example.  He knew that he was trapped.

Then dad acceded to the reality and said he would wait in his room.

Ten minutes later Robb followed him.  “The reports indicated it was nine pops.  Is that correct?”  Getting an affirmative, Robb picked up the punishment belt and said: “Please get into position.  It will be nine plus three additional ones for not reporting the paddling.”

Robb steeled himself to fulfill his unpleasant nerve-racking duty.  He thought of how his father had said that a man must oft do unpleasant and distasteful things.

A dozen times he raised and swung the heavy strap not feeling good about it at all yet he did not dare to slack off.  Finished, he ran from the room.

Charley had little success comforting his older brother but they soon moved onto another reality.  “I need to get this over.” declared Charley bravely.

In his bedroom, Charley got into the position and found the right spot.  Without any enthusiasm Robb raised the strap and brought it down gently the three times required.  Once again Robb needed comforting which Charley provided better than before and assuring big brother that he did not hold a grudge.

Robb fervently hoped that his father would now be amenable to discarding the unfair rule.